My Journey from Overworked to Healthy
Pursuing Health- My journey.
As I sit here writing this on a Friday evening, I remember a few years ago when I would be totally fried on a Friday evening. The energy I put into my clients, commuting to work, and over exercising that occurred throughout the week would all catch up with me. I remember I would sleep through most weekends trying to catch up on the broken sleep I lacked during the week. I missed out on sunny weekend days, and hiking opportunities (something I really enjoyed when I had the energy) laying in bed watching reruns of Law and Order or binge watching Netflix. Not that having a lazy day and binging on some favorite Netflix shows is bad, but I was not doing it because I felt like having a relaxing day, it was because I was too tired to get out of bed or even go to the grocery store. This was a routine I had done for years. The routine was up and down at times, with some good weekends and vacations mixed in, but had been always there. Even when I was in my mid 20’s, I struggled with my energy. I felt like once I graduated college I became a mouse in a wheel. Each time I took a break from my busy schedule of 2 - 3 jobs to refuel the gas tank, I felt like it was filled up less and less each time. It took me a long time to slowly run out of fuel refills, and look towards change. So, here is my story.
My journey to health is by no means complete, and I was good at hiding the things that were major health obstacles for me. After all, as a fitness and Pilates trainer, I felt like in order to motivate my clients to be healthy I had to be the perfect role model of health. But on the inside I was struggling with my energy, my body image, and my mental health and happiness to the point where I seriously questioned if I wanted to work in the fitness industry anymore. I do want to mention that this was not an expectation from any of my employers in the fitness industry. In fact, they have been a positive support system in my years of training. It was an expectation I put on myself.
Let’s start from where it started.
After graduating college, I pursued a career as a young personal trainer at a good size, privately owned gym in Marin. I was young, eager, willing to work hard with any client I could get and enjoying the free gym membership while I was at it. I was excited to brag that I worked at the gym that Sean Penn would frequent with his “specialty personal trainer”. I met some interesting and supportive people and had some interesting clients. Some experiences in this environment were good, and some were not. But i'll save that for another time. I would work hard during the day and then go out and sometimes party with my friends at night, and especially weekends. For a while, I could still get up for that 7 or 8 am workout after a late night of drinks with friends, no problem. A Luxury that would disappear quickly after about a year in the industry. I worked a “split shift” schedule and would take naps in my car so that I could accommodate my clients work schedules and have enough energy to train my evening clients, and then workout late into the evening for myself. Napping at the drop of a hat was a skill I would find very useful as a trainer in future years.
A couple years later I changed jobs. I was working at a small gym in Napa Valley as a Personal trainer/ fitness class instructor. This job was in general a good professional experience and it introduced me to Pilates because there was a Reformer I would play on in the “Pilates room”. That curiosity led me down the eventual path of becoming a Pilates teacher. I remember my client load was finally getting busy. I would say “yes” to as many clients as possible to fill my schedule. I would get up super early to commute 1 hr 15 minutes from Marin where I lived to the gym each way, 5-6 days a week. Again, I would fit in my workouts after my clients in the evenings and get back home late. A typical personal trainer‘s schedule I thought at the time. Work hard, play hard right? Well, wrong actually.
Cue Adrenal fatigue!
Around this time I found it was getting harder and harder to maintain my current weight and energy. I remember developing abdominal fat around my waist, and thinking “What's this? I'm only 27, this should not be there.” So as my solution over the next year I started eating less calories, fad dieting, working out more, getting up earlier and going to bed later so I would fit it all in, plus trying to maintain a social life of some sort. I did not understand at the time how this was exasperating the problem, and I was in denial about many things. I felt I had to do it all, and be it all. This hurt my health even more and dove me deeper into the already vicious cycle that would continue on for years and presented itself in many ways and different levels of intensity. Meanwhile, in my heart I still loved fitness, and truly wanted to give my best to all my clients who were wonderful and still are. However, I felt awful.
So What changed for me? Did I hit a rock bottom?
Well, no, not really.
Here is the thing about the human body and mind. They are quite resilient, and will adapt and trick you into keeping going, and lead you down the path of unrealistic expectation. So I kept going, and I just thought it was normal to feel awful, exhausted and drained in order to keep a “fit body”. As my experiences as a trainer grew and my knowledge expanded, I learned what my limits were and repeatedly kept pushing beyond them thinking I needed to do better. But I never hit a rock bottom, or had an injury that forced me to stop the cycle. I was just tired of being tired, but kept going on the path.
Enter Pilates, Nutrition, Rest, and Boundaries.
I changed jobs again. I moved to the East Bay and started learning and teaching the Pilates method. Things slowly started to change through trial and error. I truly believe that Pilates saved my ass from a serious injury just in time, and I will forever be grateful to employers at Absolute Center (Lafayette, CA) for their education, encouragement, mentoring and support over those years till the present.
I was now into my early 30’s and things were slowly improving. However, I was still pushing beyond my limits, burning out, and up until a few years ago still struggled with fatigue and other health issues including a painful uterine fibroid, Congenital Hypothyroidism, unhealthy weight fluctuations, irritability, lack of motivation, lack of appetite, blood sugar crashes, low energy, sleep issues, and anxiety. Some of these things I will have to manage forever, but my energy struggles in particular was something I really wanted to get a handle on. If anyone knows me, they may be surprised to hear that I was struggling. But like I said, I’m good at hiding things, and a queen at compartmentalizing. I am very good at leaving my problems at the door and slapping a smile on my face. There were very few I confided in about these issues. For those who knew, thank you for listening, because it helped.
Time for change
So over the past several years I started making slow and effective changes. I started setting firmer boundaries, taking more work breaks, saying “no” more often (always politely), and committed to working out smarter, not harder. Then the biggest step, I got help. I started budgeting more time and money into self care like massage and other self care treatments, and finally started to address my ever fluctuating relationship with food by seeing Holistic Nutritionist Alanna DeSalvo. Getting help for nutrition is one of the best decisions, and biggest steps I made. This is one of the many reasons I have listed her on the resource page of this site.
Since I started implementing these changes I have seen many drastic improvements in my health, energy and happiness over the last 2 years in particular. I still am working towards even more improved health and I have moments of struggle, but I feel I am starting some of the best years of my life. At 39 I am happier and healthier than I ever was in my 20’s.
I created Michaela Lien Fitness and Pilates so I can share the things I have learned, and to guide others through my services and resources to find their own path to better health. I thank you for taking the time to read about my journey.
And now it's time for me to turn on Netflix and relax!
